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| Well it sure has been a while. Since like April. Hmm, I don't even think anyone uses this thing anymore but I feel more confortable posting on here about my screwed up life. Arg, I don't know anymore, I just don't get it. I feel deppressed again and I'm starting to feel paranoid about my friends again... Like I'm being left out, stuck in how things were as everyone else moves on. I never got this feeling from the Otaku circle of friends and I miss them all. I just feel so deppressed and pessimistic about life. I really want a boyfriend, someone true and kind, passionate and careing; Someone I can really love. Why can't I find someone? Why am I too shy to talk to the guys I like? Ugh, like if I see someone that I think is cute I can't just go over an talk to them like some people I know... Arg I'm so frustrated.... Oh well... Good things come to those who wait - I hope. And it better be something good because I've been waiting for a long time... :( | | |
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| Ok kids, so I'm starting to get pissed. I mean, no one hardly comments on here anymore cuz I think most people have moved to myspace but you know what? Myspace is crap in my opinion. I'm much more free on xanga. Anyway, all that aside I decided to make a new layout from scratch. But the best part is that guess which program I now have... Yup, photoshop!!!! myuahahahahaha!!! I used it to make this layout. Whatcha think??? Do you like it cuz I sure do. Well I hope you all had a happy Easter, I did. Lots of candy... Ok well good night. | | | |
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| Well... that was awkward... I went to Target and made my rounds, you know, stop by toys and say hi to Mario, saw Treasure and so on and then went to the electronics section and there she was, Amber. And who was with her? Kyle. They acted all weird, like oh God it's him. I got red in the face and it started to get hot, all because Amber gave me this strange look and then tried to leave me and Kyle alone to talk. I'm fine with the two of them, they seem to think that I'm mad or upset with them and never want to talk to them again. Well if they're reading this they need to understand that I am not like that, I react differently than most people, I try to give people chances and I hate to loose friends, esp. over something that I know was the best for the other person. I tend to be selfless in feelings, giving myself over to others, offering them all and expecting nothing in return. I would rather find some way to make my friends happy, even if it made me unhappy, than playing blind to other people's emotions. Understand??? Ok, now that that's over. I'm feeling happier today. No random depression for now. Good. Ok people, comment. I mean seriously. No one comments me anymore... | | | |
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| Ok, so I'm sitting here, on my computer after having a great time with my friends today, after 3 weeks of feeling almost no depression, and it hits me... Meh. And for once I don't know what I should write. I don't know where it came from, the depression that is. I guess it's because I started thinking again. About purpose, about humanity, about self identity. I think too much, I analyze too much... Damn it!!! I hope it will fade again, that this is merely a fleeting sense of worthlessness. Oh well, it's not as bad as it used to be so I guess I can deal with it ok. We become accustomed to the Dark when the Light is put away. Dickinson also said that after finding our way in the darkness life moves on...Move along... yesh, All American Rejects... lol... I made myself smile yea!!! Ok, happiness, for now. So anyway, I feel sluty lol... Ask and maybe I'll tell you why. No, it's not really that bad, it was just weird. OH!!! btw guess what guys!!! Guess who got accepted to UNT! That's right! ME!!!! Myuhahahaa!!!!! OK, that's it for now, I released built-up emotions and the waters have seemed to clear up for now. Let's just see how long it takes till they clog up again and darken...Comments give me brief moments of joy!!! | | | |
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Ok kids, it's been a while hasn't it? I felt like I needed to change my background, or at least I felt like I needed to for the reason that several people told me so. So here you go. A very Japanese aproach to goth/emo, but more along the goth side. I'll have more layouts later, and I'll make it so you can choose which one to display. But anyway. So break was amazing for many reasons, some which shall remain unmentioned... So yeah. Hung out with alot of my friends. Went to the stockyards with Josh, Rachel and Michelle and afterwards we walked around downtown. 'Twas much fun. Spent a whole lot of time with Belen and Ben. Belen had a Rent watching party the first Friday of break. Soooo much fun. So that book on language - you know, English and how it evolved - I've been reading, amazing. It's linguistic orgasm... yesh. It feels good.... Ok I'll stop. But anyway, I have been amazing lately. Started studying Spanish. Mmm, language. Next target language, Chinese. I have made it a goal to be at an intermediate level in at least 5 languages. You know, be able to have a conversation in them, fluently. Japanese is the only one I hope to reach native-fluency level. And I will reach it, yesh, soon, soon... ok anyway, leave me comments... | | | |
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